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AssDan
Joined: Feb '11
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Level 17: Vegas Icon
Next Level: Sitcom Superstar
  Kwips Points Average
All Time 238 411.17 1.73
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Note: Only kwips that have received the required qualifying ratings are reflected above. For more on scoring, click here.
AssDan's kwips: 239
Couple Tries to Blow Up Car With Flaming Tampons
BroBible
A Pennsylvania couple has been arrested for attempting to blow up a 2006 Ford Fusion by stuffing tampons in the gas tank and motor oil compartment and igniting them. The couple has been charged with attempted arson, public drunkenness, and criminal mischief. 1/19/12 1:30pm ET
AssDan
Good luck finding a jury of their peers.
1/19/12 6:34pm ET
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Rick Perry Drops Out of Race for President
Politico
Texas Governor Rick Perry ended his campaign for president today and endorsed Newt Gingrich. ''I believe Newt is a conservative visionary who can transform this country,'' he said. 1/19/12 12:39pm ET
AssDan
And then there were four. Or three who aren't Romney.
1/19/12 6:33pm ET
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Facebook Makes You Miserable
Miller-McCune
A new study suggests that Facebook may be skewing the way its users perceive their lives. It finds those carefully selected photos of cheerful, contented people cumulatively convey a self-esteem-shattering message: Our lives are fantastic! What's wrong with you? 1/12/12 5:03pm ET
AssDan
So does Twitter, just without the pictures.
1/12/12 6:09pm ET
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Internet Addiction Changes Brain Like Drugs
BBC News
Internet addicts have brain changes similar to those hooked on drugs or alcohol, preliminary research suggests. ''Overall, our findings indicate that IAD has abnormal white matter integrity in brain regions involving emotional generation and processing, executive attention, decision making and cognitive control,'' some science guy said. 1/12/12 5:49pm ET
AssDan
Experts say the best way to kick it -- go back to AOL.
1/12/12 6:08pm ET
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Stephen Hawking Finds Women ''Complete Mystery''
The Guardian
Stephen Hawking, the renowned physicist whose work has shed light on the secrets of the universe, from the nature of space-time to the workings of black holes, says there is one conundrum that still baffles him: women. He says they are ''a complete mystery.'' 1/5/12 6:41pm ET
AssDan
Thus confirming what most men have known all along: the female cannot be explained by science.
1/5/12 6:43pm ET
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Stephen Hawking Finds Women ''Complete Mystery''
The Guardian
Stephen Hawking, the renowned physicist whose work has shed light on the secrets of the universe, from the nature of space-time to the workings of black holes, says there is one conundrum that still baffles him: women. He says they are ''a complete mystery.'' 1/5/12 6:41pm ET
AssDan
Finally, something Steve and I have in common.
1/5/12 6:42pm ET
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Stephen Hawking Finds Women ''Complete Mystery''
The Guardian
Stephen Hawking, the renowned physicist whose work has shed light on the secrets of the universe, from the nature of space-time to the workings of black holes, says there is one conundrum that still baffles him: women. He says they are ''a complete mystery.'' 1/5/12 6:41pm ET
AssDan
Sounds like homey needs to spend a little more time with Neal DeGrasse Tyson.
1/5/12 6:42pm ET
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Steve Jobs Action Figure To Sell For $100
The Telegraph
A Steve Jobs action figure complete with miniature iPad and iPhone is set to go on sale this February for $100. The 12'' figure depicts the former chief executive of Apple (who died last year) in his familiar black turtleneck and blue jeans. InIcon, which is making the figure, will include a spare pair of glasses and extra hands -- for gripping the prop accessories. 1/3/12 4:42pm ET
AssDan
Wow, it's so lifelike....
1/5/12 6:23pm ET
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Music Teacher Gives Masturbating-Singing Lesson
Seattle Weekly
Kevin Gausepohl, a 34-year-old music instructor at Tacoma Community College, is charged with trying to convince a student to use sexual arousal techniques to improve her singing. The girl, 17 at the time, was attending the college as part of the Running Start program and complied with some of his requests to strip naked or touch herself during private voice lessons. 1/5/12 5:32pm ET
AssDan
"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?" "Practice?" "Well that's one way..."
1/5/12 6:23pm ET
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Cocaine Found on 92% of Baby-Changing Tables
The Huffington Post
Researchers in the UK have found that 92% of public baby-changing tables contain traces of cocaine. The study, conducted by British journalists, included facilities in shopping centers, hospitals, police stations, courts, churches, supermarkets and department stores. 12/21/11 12:57pm ET
AssDan
Looks like UK journalists have found a way to save the newspaper industry.
12/21/11 1:07pm ET
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'We are the 99%' is Year's Top Quote
Yahoo! News / AP
A Yale University librarian has anointed the Occupy Wall Street slogan -- ''We are the 99 percent'' -- as the year's best in his sixth annual list of the most notable quotations of the year. Also making the list are quotes from Elizabeth Warren, Warren Buffett, Jon Huntsman, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Charlie Sheen, Steve Jobs, Anthony Weiner, and Gloria Allred. 12/19/11 4:42pm ET
AssDan
Next year's top quote: "Remember that whole 'We are the 99%' thing?"
12/19/11 5:14pm ET
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Apple Founding Contract Sells for $1.6 Million
Bloomberg
A 3-page contract that established Apple Computer Co. in 1976 sold for $1.59 million at Sotheby's auction house today, soaring past the presale estimate of $100,000 to $150,000. The winning bidder was Eduardo Cisneros, chief executive officer of Cisneros Corp. 12/13/11 7:33pm ET
AssDan
Sounds like somebody's never heard of LegalZoom.
12/18/11 5:23pm ET
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Man Fakes Mom's Obituary to Get Off Work
Gawker
45-year-old Scott Bennett of Brookville, PA recently took some time off work, and to make sure he didn't get fired for it, did what anyone else would do: he took out a fake obituary announcement for his mother in the local newspaper. 12/14/11 11:02am ET
AssDan
His mother was so shocked when she saw it that she had a heart attack and died. So fortunately it all worked out.
12/14/11 12:28pm ET
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TIME's Person of the Year is 'The Protester'
Time
For highlighting a global sense of restless promise, for upending governments and conventional wisdom, for combining the oldest of techniques with the newest of technologies to shine a light on human dignity, and for steering the planet on a more democratic path for the 21st century, the Protester is TIME's 2011 Person of the Year. 12/14/11 9:43am ET
AssDan
Shameless. Clearly an attempt at increasing sales from 1 person to 1 billion.
12/14/11 11:30am ET
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Record Number of Americans Unmarried
LiveScience
A new analysis of 2010 Census data finds that only 51% of American adults are currently married, a record low for the country. The median age at first marriage is also older than ever for both men and women, at 26.5 for women and 28.7 for men. 12/14/11 10:52am ET
AssDan
I blame the ugly.
12/14/11 11:28am ET
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Steve Guttenberg Gets Star on Walk of Fame
Zap2it
Perhaps best known for the 'Police Academy' movies, actor Steve Guttenberg received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this past Monday. His star is # 2,455 and -- fittingly -- is located in front of the Police Activities League on Hollywood Boulevard. 12/14/11 11:20am ET
AssDan
He also had his hands and feet imprinted in cement. Although it was by accident while he was pouring it.
12/14/11 11:27am ET
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Most Expensive Photo Ever Sells for $4.4 Million
Death + Taxes
Andreas Gursky's 'Rhine II' became the most expensive photograph ever taken when it sold at Christie's Auction House last week for $4.4 million. The picture is a minimalist landscape showcasing the parallel lines of a road, the Rhine River, and the horizon. 11/15/11 6:55pm ET
AssDan
Hope they at least threw in the frame....
11/15/11 8:36pm ET
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Man Calls 911 Five Times About Faulty iPhone
The Smoking Gun
An Illinois man was arrested last week after calling 911 five times because his iPhone wouldn't work. Michael Alan Skopec (48), believed to be intoxicated at the time, complained to emergency dispatch that 911 was the only number his iPhone could dial -- among several other colorful pronouncements. [TRANSCRIPT] 11/15/11 8:27pm ET
AssDan
The only thing more surprising than a man calling 911 five times about his iPhone? That any of the calls actually got through.
11/15/11 8:35pm ET
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Man Calls 911 Five Times About Faulty iPhone
The Smoking Gun
An Illinois man was arrested last week after calling 911 five times because his iPhone wouldn't work. Michael Alan Skopec (48), believed to be intoxicated at the time, complained to emergency dispatch that 911 was the only number his iPhone could dial -- among several other colorful pronouncements. [TRANSCRIPT] 11/15/11 8:27pm ET
AssDan
Actually, he only meant to call once, but his iPhone dropped the first four.
11/15/11 8:34pm ET
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Brad Pitt to Retire from Acting in 3 Years
60 Minutes
In an interview with Australia's '60 Minutes' this weekend, Brad Pitt (47) said he plans to retire from acting in 3 years. After that? ''Hell if I know. I am really enjoying the producing side and development of stories and putting those pieces together. And getting stories to the plate that might have had a tougher time otherwise.'' [VIDEO] 11/14/11 10:45am ET
AssDan
Actually, I think he retired from acting a few years back.
11/14/11 11:00am ET
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