Follow:
For our favorite kwips of the day, follow us on Facebook.
To get the jump on new stories we post, follow us on Twitter.
To get the jump on new stories we post, add our RSS feed.
Bookmark Us
Firefox and Internet Explorer users, click your icon below to add us:
Chrome and Safari users, drag your icon below to your bookmark bar:
Kwipster.comKwipster.com
Image 01 Image 02
Find:

Report Abuse
isleyquinzelle
Joined: Feb '11
Audience Warmer
Level 4: Audience Warmer
Next Level: Prop Comic
  Kwips Points Average
All Time 43 43.50 1.01
Year 0 0.00 0.00
Month 0 0.00 0.00
Week 0 0.00 0.00
Day 0 0.00 0.00
Note: Only kwips that have received the required qualifying ratings are reflected above. For more on scoring, click here.
isleyquinzelle's kwips: 43
Music Teacher Gives Masturbating-Singing Lesson
Seattle Weekly
Kevin Gausepohl, a 34-year-old music instructor at Tacoma Community College, is charged with trying to convince a student to use sexual arousal techniques to improve her singing. The girl, 17 at the time, was attending the college as part of the Running Start program and complied with some of his requests to strip naked or touch herself during private voice lessons. 1/5/12 5:32pm ET
isleyquinzelle
what do you expect from community college?
1/9/12 6:56pm ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 2.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Man With Unique Name Arrested in Wisconsin
Capital Times
A man with a rather unique name was arrested in Madison, WI last week for violating the terms of his bail. Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop (30), formerly known as Jeffrey Drew Wilschke, was tentatively charged with carrying a concealed weapon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana, and a probation violation. 1/9/12 6:13pm ET
isleyquinzelle
he had no choice. johnny depp was already taken
1/9/12 6:46pm ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 3.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Japanese Department Store Has 'Fuckin' Sale'
Gawker
A department store in Osaka, Japan held the ultimate clearance event earlier this month, offering 20% off everything in a 'Fuckin' Sale'. Apparently there's no word for that in Japanese. 1/9/12 5:40pm ET
isleyquinzelle
at only 20% off that sounds like just a heavy petting sale
1/9/12 6:42pm ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 4.5 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Lindsay Lohan to Pose Nude in Playboy for $1 Million
NY Daily News
Lindsay Lohan may be taking it all off for Playboy. The one-time child star reportedly scored a $1 million payday to pose nude for the famed skin magazine. TMZ claims the 25-year-old flashed her flesh for the cameras at a photo shoot last weekend. 10/25/11 4:17pm ET
isleyquinzelle
she good $500,000 to show her "freaky friday" and the other $500,000 to show her "parent trap" ...disney to offer her another million not to show where she hid herbie the love bug
10/26/11 5:32am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 3.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Lindsay Lohan to Pose Nude in Playboy for $1 Million
NY Daily News
Lindsay Lohan may be taking it all off for Playboy. The one-time child star reportedly scored a $1 million payday to pose nude for the famed skin magazine. TMZ claims the 25-year-old flashed her flesh for the cameras at a photo shoot last weekend. 10/25/11 4:17pm ET
isleyquinzelle
you can find the bunny on her tracking device
10/26/11 5:25am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 3.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Gas Pumps Named Germiest Public Surfaces
Reuters
According to a new study by Kimberly-Clark, gas pump handles are the filthiest public surfaces in America. The other germiest offenders: handles on public mailboxes, escalator rails, ATM buttons, parking meters, crosswalk buttons, and vending machines. 10/25/11 5:57pm ET
isleyquinzelle
this should be the mta's new slogan "public transportation: less germy"
10/26/11 5:20am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 3.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Gas Pumps Named Germiest Public Surfaces
Reuters
According to a new study by Kimberly-Clark, gas pump handles are the filthiest public surfaces in America. The other germiest offenders: handles on public mailboxes, escalator rails, ATM buttons, parking meters, crosswalk buttons, and vending machines. 10/25/11 5:57pm ET
isleyquinzelle
i totally would have guessed jersey shore hot tub
10/26/11 5:17am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 3.33 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Woman Steals 26 Boxes of Condoms, Ovulation Test
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
According to Georgia police, a woman identified as Alexandrea Brooks infiltrated a Walgreens in Marietta last month and made off with 26 boxes of condoms, an ovulation test, and a box of Huggies baby wipes. The total value of her score: $562.68. 10/25/11 5:12pm ET
isleyquinzelle
sounds like she should have just stolen the morning after pill
10/26/11 5:13am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 4.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Parents Decry New Tattooed Barbie
Time NewsFeed
Concerned parents are complaining about a new $50 limited edition Barbie created by the Italian-based, Japanese-inspired brand Tokidoki. The new edgy Barbie has a pink bob hairstyle, punk clothing, and tattoos running down her arm and around her collarbone. 10/25/11 4:47pm ET
isleyquinzelle
wait until they see crack pipe strawberry shortcake
10/26/11 5:11am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 4.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Christian Group Protests Halloween with JesusWeen
Time NewsFeed
Halloween has a new nemesis: JesusWeen. What is JesusWeen? It's a Christian organization that opposes ''ungodly'' Halloween and its ''evil characters.'' This October 31st, instead of Mars bars, group members plan to hand trick-or-treaters mini Bibles. 10/11/11 2:36pm ET
isleyquinzelle
suddenly razor blade filled candy doesn't sound so bad
10/12/11 3:12am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 4.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
U.S. Panel Says Prostate Exams Not Necessary
CNN
The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force will soon recommend that men not get screened for prostate cancer. A review of studies shows screening with the prostate specific antigen (PSA) blood test results in ''small or no reduction'' in prostate cancer deaths. Their report adds that PSA testing is ''associated with harms related to subsequent evaluation and treatments.'' 10/7/11 12:15pm ET
isleyquinzelle
that means my "free prostate exams" t-shirt will no longer help me score at the bars
10/12/11 3:07am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 4.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Christian Group Protests Halloween with JesusWeen
Time NewsFeed
Halloween has a new nemesis: JesusWeen. What is JesusWeen? It's a Christian organization that opposes ''ungodly'' Halloween and its ''evil characters.'' This October 31st, instead of Mars bars, group members plan to hand trick-or-treaters mini Bibles. 10/11/11 2:36pm ET
isleyquinzelle
neighbor who gives out toothbrushes sighs of relief.
10/12/11 3:04am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 3.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Schwarzenegger Had Love Child With Household Staffer
Los Angeles Times
Former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, separated earlier this year after she learned he had fathered a child more than a decade ago with a member of their household staff who had worked with the family for 20 years. 5/17/11 3:06pm ET
isleyquinzelle
maria, that's what you get for marrying a republican.
5/22/11 6:17am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 3.25 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
World's Best Beard Has Moose Sculpted Into It
BBC News
German hairdresser Elmar Weisser defeated 160 contestants at the World Beard and Moustache Championships in Norway on Sunday with a beard that included a sculpture of a moose. Weisser had won twice before with sculptures of the Branderberg Gate and London Bridge. 5/17/11 2:09pm ET
isleyquinzelle
where is squirrel? boris asked
5/22/11 4:33am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 3.67 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Heart-Attack Risk Spikes After Sex, Exercise
Health.com
Exercising or having sex triples a person's risk of heart attack in the hours immediately afterward, especially if the person does those activities infrequently, according to a new analysis in the Journal of the American Medical Association. 3/23/11 11:49am ET
isleyquinzelle
another reason to give 1 night stands 911 as your phone number
3/24/11 6:30am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 2.83 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Woman Hides 54 Bags of Heroin in Vagina
CBS News
Police in Scranton, PA, say they found 54 bags of heroin, cash, and loose change in a woman's vagina during a cavity search. Karin Mackaliunas, 27, was detained last weekend following a crash. 3/23/11 11:44am ET
isleyquinzelle
police expecting to find charlie sheen in the next day or two.
3/24/11 6:23am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 2.33 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Apple Removes 'Gay Cure' App After 146,000 Protest
Mashable
After more than 146,000 people signed a petition against a 'gay cure' app, Apple has removed it from the App Store. The app's goal, according to its creator Exodus International (a Christian organization), was to 'provide support for individuals who want to recover from homosexuality.' 3/23/11 11:54am ET
isleyquinzelle
ornthologists following suit and starting petition against angry birds
3/24/11 6:16am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 2.71 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Yelp Adds Hipster Ambiance
NBC Bay Area
Yelp has added a new field to its restaurant and bar ambiance selection menu: Hipster. So now, if you're a hipster, you know where to go, and if you aren't, you know where to avoid. The new Hipster option joins existing ambiance descriptors such as Romantic, Classy, Casual, Trendy, and Intimate. 3/21/11 2:20am ET
isleyquinzelle
since only rich skinny jean hipsters are the only people who post on yelp the classification is rendered utterly useless.
3/21/11 10:29pm ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 2.0 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
NC Diner Ends 'No English, No Service' Policy
Eater
The owner of a North Carolina diner has removed a sign from the front door of the restaurant that read, "No Speak English, No Service." The sign, which explained in multiple languages that they only speak "American English," bizarrely showed a surprising dexterity with foreign languages. 3/18/11 11:40am ET
isleyquinzelle
ironically the sign was removed not because it was racist, it was because none of his customers could actually read.
3/20/11 5:00am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 3.75 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
Porn Likely to Get .XXX Domain Extension
Politico
The porn industry is about to get .xxx as its own .com, and after years of protests by the Bush administration, the Obama administration is standing on the sidelines as it happens. The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN), which oversees the creation of top-level domain names like .com, .net, and .biz, is expected to approve the .xxx domain today, though many in the Adult industry disapprove of it.

Update 3/18: And it's official. ICANN has approved the new .xxx top-level domain.

3/18/11 12:01pm ET
isleyquinzelle
so the real story is the recently approved website www.ICANNmasturbate.xxx
3/20/11 4:56am ET
Rate:
Your Rating: 0.0 stars
Average Rating: 2.4 stars
0
See replies or post your own.
Flag this as:
Additional Comments (optional):
 
Top Kwipsters
1) Wacky Sidekick StanSilliman (+2,004.37)
2) Cable Quipster headonthetable (+1,194.15)
3) Sharp-Witted Scribe ADW (+888.28)
4) Sharp-Witted Scribe AaronDavidWard (+757.88)
5) Sitcom Superstar hambone (+713.91)
6) Hall Headliner jerrymyers1982 (+673.65)
7) Sitcom Superstar humbert (+593.05)
8) Award Show Host NaomiLeonard (+564.72)
9) Wacky Sidekick JayLeno (+550.25)
10) Vegas Icon fancypants (+543.23)
Ranked by total points earned. Details.
Free Comedy Shows
Kwipster TM & © 2014 Viral Ventures LLC. All Rights Reserved.