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jaythegee
Albuquerque, NM, US
Joined: May '11

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Level 5: Prop Comic
Next Level: Court Jester
  Kwips Points Average
All Time 57 102.46 1.80
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jaythegee's kwips: 57
Now You Can Ticket Your Facebook Friends
Mashable
We all have friends in our social networks who just don't know the rules, and now there's a way to educate them. A company called Knock Knock is offering Social Media Citations, modeled off the tickets cops issue in real life. The citations include social media infractions such as 'narcissistic profile photos,' 'banal status updates,' 'poking,' and 'oversharing.' 9/8/11 4:17pm ET
jaythegee
This is exciting. Simply alienating them with questionable humor isn't getting me the results I'm looking for.
9/8/11 7:42pm ET
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Dutch Woman Calls Ex-Boyfriend 65,000 Times
The Inquistr
A 42-year-old Dutch woman has been arrested for placing an alleged 65,000 calls over the course of a year (~178 per day) to a 62-year-old man she claims is her ex-boyfriend. The man, however, says the two were never romantically interlinked. 9/8/11 4:25pm ET
jaythegee
In a hilarious twist to the story it has been revealed that the Ex-Boyfriend had HIS phone up his ass and set to vibrate the whole time.
9/8/11 6:49pm ET
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Dutch Woman Calls Ex-Boyfriend 65,000 Times
The Inquistr
A 42-year-old Dutch woman has been arrested for placing an alleged 65,000 calls over the course of a year (~178 per day) to a 62-year-old man she claims is her ex-boyfriend. The man, however, says the two were never romantically interlinked. 9/8/11 4:25pm ET
jaythegee
So THAT's who's unattended phone I super-glued the redial button on. Oops. Umm...sorry lady...ahem...heh. Boy, those Amsterdam weekends sure are chock full o' crazy.
9/8/11 6:39pm ET
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Ben & Jerry's Introduces 'Schweddy Balls' Ice Cream
Time Newsfeed
Ben & Jerry's has announced their newest ice cream flavor, which might not immediately sound appealing. Schweddy Balls, an homage to a 1990s Saturday Night Live skit featuring Alec Baldwin, is vanilla ice cream with fudge-covered rum and malt balls. 9/8/11 3:31pm ET
jaythegee
Not one to be upstaged by her co-star, Tina Fey is evidently pushing for her own flavor of B&J's: front-runners include Snark Week, Ridin' Thirty, and "something sandwich-ey"
9/8/11 6:35pm ET
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Romney, Perry Emerge as Victors in GOP Debate
Newser
Mitt Romney and Rick Perry are emerging as the victors of last night's Republican debate at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, CA. The Washington Post and The Daily Beast called Romney the clear winner, while the National Journal split his victory with Perry, and The New Republic called Perry the sole victor. 9/8/11 2:53pm ET
jaythegee
And somehow I'm still the bad guy for calling the mentally challenged kids at my school "The Debate Team?"
9/8/11 6:30pm ET
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Ben & Jerry's Introduces 'Schweddy Balls' Ice Cream
Time Newsfeed
Ben & Jerry's has announced their newest ice cream flavor, which might not immediately sound appealing. Schweddy Balls, an homage to a 1990s Saturday Night Live skit featuring Alec Baldwin, is vanilla ice cream with fudge-covered rum and malt balls. 9/8/11 3:31pm ET
jaythegee
What they're not telling you is, that to capture the essence of not only the character but the actor portraying him, creme d'asshole is a primary flavorant.
9/8/11 6:22pm ET
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Now You Can Ticket Your Facebook Friends
Mashable
We all have friends in our social networks who just don't know the rules, and now there's a way to educate them. A company called Knock Knock is offering Social Media Citations, modeled off the tickets cops issue in real life. The citations include social media infractions such as 'narcissistic profile photos,' 'banal status updates,' 'poking,' and 'oversharing.' 9/8/11 4:17pm ET
jaythegee
Yeah, well guess what, Fucko - I'm not paying these either!
9/8/11 6:15pm ET
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Scientists Still Baffled by Female Orgasm
Gawker
After years of debate, scientists finally agree that the female orgasm exists. Now the question is why? There's no evidence that female orgasms are an evolutionary adaptation. If they were, they'd be easier to attain. Furthermore, many women require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, not penetration, which would be more important to evolution. 9/7/11 3:02pm ET
jaythegee
Pics or it didn't happen.
9/7/11 5:12pm ET
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1 in 10 Drivers Doesn't Have a License
Newser
According to AAA, roughly 1 in 10 American motorists doesn't have a valid license. Though some never had them, most lost them due to moving violations, financial hardship, unpaid parking tickets, or missed child support payments or court dates. 9/7/11 3:27pm ET
jaythegee
Another clever way to bury the lead that 9 of 10 people don't have a clue.
9/7/11 5:04pm ET
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Eddie Murphy to Host 84th Academy Awards
The Hollywood Reporter
Eddie Murphy has been named host of the 84th annual Academy Awards, scheduled for February 26th. It will be the first time that Murphy, who shot to fame in the 1980s on 'Saturday Night Live' and in movies like '48 Hrs.' and 'Beverly Hills Cop', has hosted the show. 9/6/11 3:36pm ET
jaythegee
This reminds of that part in Bowfinger when I shut it off.
9/7/11 11:21am ET
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Eddie Murphy to Host 84th Academy Awards
The Hollywood Reporter
Eddie Murphy has been named host of the 84th annual Academy Awards, scheduled for February 26th. It will be the first time that Murphy, who shot to fame in the 1980s on 'Saturday Night Live' and in movies like '48 Hrs.' and 'Beverly Hills Cop', has hosted the show. 9/6/11 3:36pm ET
jaythegee
Charlie Murphy is currently working on the most boring installment of his "True Hollywood Stories" yet. Reached for comment, Rick James said: "I'm Dead, Bitch!"
9/7/11 11:20am ET
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Americans Voted Coolest in World, Belgians Least
Reuters
In a survey spanning 15 countries conducted by social network Badoo, Americans have been voted the world's ''coolest nationality,'' followed by Brazilians, Spaniards, Italians, and Frenchies. The five least cool: Belgians, Poles, Turks, Canadians, and Germans. 9/6/11 3:10pm ET
jaythegee
Better start printing up those XXXL sized "Coolest in the World" t-shirts.
9/6/11 3:22pm ET
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Americans Voted Coolest in World, Belgians Least
Reuters
In a survey spanning 15 countries conducted by social network Badoo, Americans have been voted the world's ''coolest nationality,'' followed by Brazilians, Spaniards, Italians, and Frenchies. The five least cool: Belgians, Poles, Turks, Canadians, and Germans. 9/6/11 3:10pm ET
jaythegee
America had this to say: "Aaaaayyyyyyy!" followed by "I am so cool, I'll bet I could jump a shark on water skis"
9/6/11 3:20pm ET
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Sinead O'Connor Begs for Sex on Her Blog
ABC News
In recent blog posts, 44-year-old Sinead O'Connor tells her fans she is at the peak of her sexual prime and ''desperate for sex,'' including anal. The Irish singer says she is in need of a ''a very sweet sex-starved man" who is at least 44, has a job, lives in Ireland, is hairy, isn't named Brian or Nigel, and ''must be blind enough to think I'm gorgeous.'' 9/6/11 1:58pm ET
jaythegee
Accompanying this story is the shocking revelation that "I am Stretched on your Grave" was actually written and performed by her asshole.
9/6/11 2:21pm ET
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Sinead O'Connor Begs for Sex on Her Blog
ABC News
In recent blog posts, 44-year-old Sinead O'Connor tells her fans she is at the peak of her sexual prime and ''desperate for sex,'' including anal. The Irish singer says she is in need of a ''a very sweet sex-starved man" who is at least 44, has a job, lives in Ireland, is hairy, isn't named Brian or Nigel, and ''must be blind enough to think I'm gorgeous.'' 9/6/11 1:58pm ET
jaythegee
UPDATE: Glenn Beck said he's in as long as she re-shaves her head and let's him call her an Egg McStuffMuffin.
9/6/11 2:18pm ET
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Sinead O'Connor Begs for Sex on Her Blog
ABC News
In recent blog posts, 44-year-old Sinead O'Connor tells her fans she is at the peak of her sexual prime and ''desperate for sex,'' including anal. The Irish singer says she is in need of a ''a very sweet sex-starved man" who is at least 44, has a job, lives in Ireland, is hairy, isn't named Brian or Nigel, and ''must be blind enough to think I'm gorgeous.'' 9/6/11 1:58pm ET
jaythegee
"Blind enough to think I'm gorgeous" yet "Able to read my blog." Hmmm... tall order, Sinead.
9/6/11 2:14pm ET
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Sinead O'Connor Begs for Sex on Her Blog
ABC News
In recent blog posts, 44-year-old Sinead O'Connor tells her fans she is at the peak of her sexual prime and ''desperate for sex,'' including anal. The Irish singer says she is in need of a ''a very sweet sex-starved man" who is at least 44, has a job, lives in Ireland, is hairy, isn't named Brian or Nigel, and ''must be blind enough to think I'm gorgeous.'' 9/6/11 1:58pm ET
jaythegee
Does this mean she is planning to release a nearly-a capella version of Prince's Erotic City? Pretty sure Nothing Compares 2 that.
9/6/11 2:12pm ET
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United States Postal Service On Brink of Default
The New York Times
The United States Postal Service is currently so low on cash that it will not be able to make a $5.5 billion payment due September 30th and may have to shut down entirely this winter unless Congress takes emergency action to stabilize its finances. 9/6/11 11:44am ET
jaythegee
Representatives from The Pony Express and Western Union Telegraph Company issued the following joint statement: "Sucks, don't it?"
9/6/11 1:51pm ET
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Man Must Pay Ex-Wife $14,000 For Lack of Sex
The Telegraph
A 51-year-old Frenchman has been ordered to pay his ex-wife $14,000 in damages for not having enough sex with her during their marriage, which she blames for their breakup. The man was fined under article 215 of France's civil code, which states married couples must agree to a ''shared communal life,'' and which the judge ruled includes having sex. 9/6/11 12:38pm ET
jaythegee
According to unsubstantiated reports, half of the 14k is being distributed as hush money among the dozen or so college dudes she's secretly banged along the way.
9/6/11 1:42pm ET
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Man Must Pay Ex-Wife $14,000 For Lack of Sex
The Telegraph
A 51-year-old Frenchman has been ordered to pay his ex-wife $14,000 in damages for not having enough sex with her during their marriage, which she blames for their breakup. The man was fined under article 215 of France's civil code, which states married couples must agree to a ''shared communal life,'' and which the judge ruled includes having sex. 9/6/11 12:38pm ET
jaythegee
So, I guess he regrets his "No Vibrators in my House" policy now.
9/6/11 1:39pm ET
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