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kdubcomedy
Santa Monica, CA, US
Joined: Nov '11

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  Kwips Points Average
All Time 33 48.50 1.47
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kdubcomedy's kwips: 34
1 in 6 Americans is a Binge Drinker
Newser
Researchers from the CDC have found that 38 million Americans, roughly a sixth of the adult population, are binge drinkers who over-indulge an average of 4.4 times a month. A binge is defined as five or more drinks in the space of two hours for men, and four or more drinks for women. Wisconsin has the highest percentage of binge drinkers, at 25.6%. 1/11/12 6:22pm ET
kdubcomedy
Damn you, ERA, see what you've done? Women now get a 20% head start to becoming binge drinking alcoholics. It's not fair.
1/11/12 7:58pm ET
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North Korea Reopens for Tourism
CNN
The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea's official name) re-opened to tourists this week after its annual month-long winter hiatus. It's the first time foreigners can access the country since the death of its leader Kim Jong Il last month. 1/11/12 7:34pm ET
kdubcomedy
In related news, North Korea just reported that it's labor camp population has dropped significantly in the past years.
1/11/12 7:55pm ET
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Homicide No Longer a Leading Cause of Death
Los Angeles Times
For the first time since 1965, homicide was not one of the nation's top 15 causes of death in 2010, according to new data from the CDC. The top 15 were: heart disease, cancer, lower respiratory disease, stroke, accidents, Alzheimer's, diabetes, kidney disease, influenza and pneumonia, suicide, septicemia, liver disease, hypertension, Parkinson's, and pneumonitis. 1/11/12 6:59pm ET
kdubcomedy
Damn, another year that Susan Lucci was snubbed from taking the top spot.
1/11/12 7:51pm ET
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Stephen Hawking Finds Women ''Complete Mystery''
The Guardian
Stephen Hawking, the renowned physicist whose work has shed light on the secrets of the universe, from the nature of space-time to the workings of black holes, says there is one conundrum that still baffles him: women. He says they are ''a complete mystery.'' 1/5/12 6:41pm ET
kdubcomedy
Actually, scientists have been working on this problem for a long time, and they've finally been able to prove an equation that explains women's behavior. $$$$ + 8====D = 8===D -->{} + 8===D --> (*)
1/6/12 2:36pm ET
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MIT Creates Suit That Makes You Feel Old
Mashable
Researchers at MIT have created a body suit called AGNES (Age Gain Now Empathy System) that simulates old age. The suit includes a heavy helmet, body braces, and yellow-tinged glasses that create the feeling of achey joints, limited mobility, and blurred vision. 1/5/12 3:29pm ET
kdubcomedy
This suit sounds incomplete, I think they're missing laxatives, and adult diapers.
1/5/12 3:43pm ET
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New 'Celebrity Apprentice' Cast Announced
People
The cast for the next season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' has been announced. It includes Teresa Giudice and Victoria Gotti (wives); Cheryl Tiegs, Patricia Velasquez, Dayana Mendoza (T&A); Clay Aiken, Dee Snider, Debbie Gibson (sound); Lisa Lampanelli, Arsenio Hall, Adam Carolla (comic relief); Aubrey O'Day, Tia Carrere (people); Lou Ferrigno, Pen Jillette (hulks); George Takei, Paul Teutul Sr., and Michael Andretti (other). 1/4/12 1:05pm ET
kdubcomedy
This season's going to be awesome, there definitely looks to be a good mixture of talent here. Hold on....I think I just had a stroke. Carry on.
1/4/12 9:05pm ET
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Romney Edges Santorum by 8 Votes in Iowa
Politico
Mitt Romney edged Rick Santorum by a mere eight votes in Tuesday's Iowa caucuses, a margin that amounted to a tie in the opening act of the 2012 presidential race. Ron Paul finished close behind in third place, while Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry, and Michele Bachmann took the bottom three slots. Perry and Bachmann are now expected to drop out. 1/4/12 11:21am ET
kdubcomedy
Michele Bachmann finally did pull out, which is something her father should have done about 56 years ago.
1/4/12 8:56pm ET
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New Crab Species Dubbed 'The Hoff'
BBC News
British scientists have found prodigious numbers of a new species of crab on the Southern Ocean floor that they have dubbed ''The Hoff'' because of its hairy chest, in honor of the often bare-chested American actor David Hasselhoff. 1/4/12 1:58pm ET
kdubcomedy
In related news, Pamela Anderson just returned from a scuba diving exhibition on the Southern Ocean floor, and her itching has miraculously cleared up.
1/4/12 8:55pm ET
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Rocker Spotted Topless in Hawaii
TMZ
It's once again time for a favorite Kwipster pastime -- in that we've done it once before. See if you can guess whose chest is pictured, ideally in a humorous way. Hints: the person is a rock star, just got engaged, and has a famous daughter. Click through for the answer. 1/4/12 12:06pm ET
kdubcomedy
He's definitely "Living on the Edge" of a severe hormonal imbalance.
1/4/12 8:42pm ET
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Cocaine Found on 92% of Baby-Changing Tables
The Huffington Post
Researchers in the UK have found that 92% of public baby-changing tables contain traces of cocaine. The study, conducted by British journalists, included facilities in shopping centers, hospitals, police stations, courts, churches, supermarkets and department stores. 12/21/11 12:57pm ET
kdubcomedy
This news is not that surprising, since as all parents know that babies are made out of cocaine.
12/21/11 6:58pm ET
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Rick Perry Doesn't Know Kim Jong-Il's Name
ThinkProgress
In an email regarding the death of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il, Rick Perry mistakenly referred to the despot as Kim Jong the Second. The email titled ''Gov. Rick Perry on the Death of Kim Jong II'' incorrectly referenced the dictator's name 3 separate times. 12/20/11 3:14pm ET
kdubcomedy
Rick Perry is further proof that Punk'd really is coming back on the air, and the American people are the first targets.
12/21/11 2:47pm ET
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Wendy's to Dethrone Burger King in Sales
The Wall Street Journal
Despite having 20% fewer locations, Wendy's is poised to pass Burger King in U.S. sales this year, trailing only industry behemoth McDonald's and marking the first reordering of top 3 burger chains since Wendy's was founded in 1969. 12/21/11 11:30am ET
kdubcomedy
See kids, don't give into peer pressure, it really does pay to be square.
12/21/11 2:30pm ET
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FDA Orders Man to Stop Giving Away Sperm Online
Gizmodo
The FDA has ordered Trent Arsenault of the SF Bay area to stop giving away his sperm on his website. In the past 5 years, Arsenault has fathered 14 children with his donations, and more are on the way. Unfortunately, ''informal sperm donation'' is illegal because it violates FDA regulations on human cells and is punishable by up to a year in prison and a $100,000 fine. 12/21/11 2:15pm ET
kdubcomedy
My question to the FDA is, exactly what category does sperm fall into, Food or Drugs?
12/21/11 2:29pm ET
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Wendy's to Dethrone Burger King in Sales
The Wall Street Journal
Despite having 20% fewer locations, Wendy's is poised to pass Burger King in U.S. sales this year, trailing only industry behemoth McDonald's and marking the first reordering of top 3 burger chains since Wendy's was founded in 1969. 12/21/11 11:30am ET
kdubcomedy
When asked for a statement, Burger King just said, don't believe anything that bitch Wendy says.
12/21/11 2:25pm ET
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Cocaine Found on 92% of Baby-Changing Tables
The Huffington Post
Researchers in the UK have found that 92% of public baby-changing tables contain traces of cocaine. The study, conducted by British journalists, included facilities in shopping centers, hospitals, police stations, courts, churches, supermarkets and department stores. 12/21/11 12:57pm ET
kdubcomedy
No wonder my baby keeps shitting his diaper in public, he just wants to get his cocaine fix when I change him.
12/21/11 2:22pm ET
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FDA Orders Man to Stop Giving Away Sperm Online
Gizmodo
The FDA has ordered Trent Arsenault of the SF Bay area to stop giving away his sperm on his website. In the past 5 years, Arsenault has fathered 14 children with his donations, and more are on the way. Unfortunately, ''informal sperm donation'' is illegal because it violates FDA regulations on human cells and is punishable by up to a year in prison and a $100,000 fine. 12/21/11 2:15pm ET
kdubcomedy
Now I'm worried, I've been informally donating my sperm to the sewer people for 20 years.
12/21/11 2:20pm ET
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New Research Identifies Top 'Defriending' Reasons
NM Incite
New research from NM Incite reveals that the most common reasons Facebook users decide to defriend someone are offensive comments, not knowing the person well, trying to sell them something, depressing or political posts, and a lack of interaction. 12/20/11 4:26pm ET
kdubcomedy
The most common reasons for "friending" someone on Facebook are spying on their daily activities, trying to get laid, making yourself feel more popular, and trying to get laid.
12/20/11 7:51pm ET
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Howard Stern to Judge 'America's Got Talent'
Entertainment Weekly
NBC has hired Howard Stern as the new judge of the summer competition series 'America's Got Talent'. The popular radio shock-jock will critique the eclectic talent show, replacing Piers Morgan, and production of the show will move to New York City. 12/15/11 1:15pm ET
kdubcomedy
To all the ladies out there who thought their talent of swallowing a whole banana wasn't worth anything, now's your chance.
12/17/11 5:48pm ET
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Tangerine Tango Named Color of 2012
Shine
According to the Pantone Color Institute, Tangerine Tango, an electric orange red, is the color of 2012, and Shine's Sarah Bernard is extremely excited about the news. It's warm, uplifting, and energizing, and it happens to look great with almost every skin tone. 12/8/11 5:36pm ET
kdubcomedy
Here's an idea, let's all chip in to buy each member of The Jersey Shore a Tangerine Tango turtleneck, then set them up on the highway to redirect traffic.
12/8/11 6:09pm ET
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Tangerine Tango Named Color of 2012
Shine
According to the Pantone Color Institute, Tangerine Tango, an electric orange red, is the color of 2012, and Shine's Sarah Bernard is extremely excited about the news. It's warm, uplifting, and energizing, and it happens to look great with almost every skin tone. 12/8/11 5:36pm ET
kdubcomedy
I don't believe it, it's such a coincidence. This is exactly the color of my I don't give a shit.
12/8/11 6:02pm ET
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