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lexkase
San Diego, CA, US
Joined: Nov '11

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Court Jester
Level 6: Court Jester
Next Level: Clever Columnist
  Kwips Points Average
All Time 60 95.50 1.59
Year 0 0.00 0.00
Month 0 0.00 0.00
Week 0 0.00 0.00
Day 0 0.00 0.00
Note: Only kwips that have received the required qualifying ratings are reflected above. For more on scoring, click here.
lexkase's kwips: 62
Kwipster Calls it Kwits
Kwipster
Somebody once said, "All good things must come to an end, but bad things can continue forever." Kwipster must be phenomenal then, as it will be ceasing operations on January 31st, just shy of its first birthday. Sniff. For more information, click here. And if you'd like to make one last joke, please do so at our expense below. 1/23/12 3:40pm ET
lexkase
It's my fault. I started writing for three radio stations and four newspaper columns and three comedy websites, all are now gone. Sorry folks.
1/23/12 4:07pm ET
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Guy Smuggles Gun Into Jail in Rectum
The Huffington Post
Police in North Carolina believe that despite multiple searches after a traffic violation, a suspect managed to sneak a 10-inch gun into a prison by concealing the weapon in his rectum. 1/17/12 2:20pm ET
lexkase
Talk about going off half-cocked.
1/20/12 6:09pm ET
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Couple Tries to Blow Up Car With Flaming Tampons
BroBible
A Pennsylvania couple has been arrested for attempting to blow up a 2006 Ford Fusion by stuffing tampons in the gas tank and motor oil compartment and igniting them. The couple has been charged with attempted arson, public drunkenness, and criminal mischief. 1/19/12 1:30pm ET
lexkase
The car did not explode, but thanks to the tampons, now it can go swimming, camping, horseback riding . . .
1/20/12 5:37pm ET
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Rick Perry Drops Out of Race for President
Politico
Texas Governor Rick Perry ended his campaign for president today and endorsed Newt Gingrich. ''I believe Newt is a conservative visionary who can transform this country,'' he said. 1/19/12 12:39pm ET
lexkase
Three reasons Perry should still run: one, comedians need him, two, comedy writers need him, and three, oh, shoot, I forgot three. Oops.
1/20/12 5:34pm ET
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People Using Pseudonyms Post Best Comments
VentureBeat
Online discussion board startup Disqus analyzed nearly 500,000 comments made via its platform and found that the digital denizens using fictitious names, or pseudonyms, are responsible for higher quality comments than those using their real names. 1/17/12 5:24pm ET
lexkase
Or so claims HungLikeAMule32.
1/18/12 4:35pm ET
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Guy Smuggles Gun Into Jail in Rectum
The Huffington Post
Police in North Carolina believe that despite multiple searches after a traffic violation, a suspect managed to sneak a 10-inch gun into a prison by concealing the weapon in his rectum. 1/17/12 2:20pm ET
lexkase
The gun was bad enough, but it was the leather belt and holster that really hurt.
1/17/12 5:06pm ET
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EA Creating Katy Perry 'Sims' Game
Billboard
Electronic Arts has announced a collaboration between Katy Perry and virtual reality computer program 'The Sims' to create a Collector's Edition game with content and exclusives featuring the pop star, including Katy Perry-themed virtual goods. 1/17/12 4:20pm ET
lexkase
Although synthetic and fake, the Katy Perry almost looks real. And the computer simulation is realistic as well.
1/17/12 4:59pm ET
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Guy Smuggles Gun Into Jail in Rectum
The Huffington Post
Police in North Carolina believe that despite multiple searches after a traffic violation, a suspect managed to sneak a 10-inch gun into a prison by concealing the weapon in his rectum. 1/17/12 2:20pm ET
lexkase
Rectum? Hell, it nearly killed him. (Old joke)
1/17/12 2:37pm ET
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Jokes About Starbucks New Blonde Roast Forbidden
Gawker
According to a Starbucks gossip site, employees are forbidden from telling jokes about the company's new blonde roast coffee and will be issued a written offense if they do. 1/12/12 4:02pm ET
lexkase
So no jokes about how the blonde coffee is more likely to end up in a guy's lap.
1/13/12 4:02pm ET
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Internet Addiction Changes Brain Like Drugs
BBC News
Internet addicts have brain changes similar to those hooked on drugs or alcohol, preliminary research suggests. ''Overall, our findings indicate that IAD has abnormal white matter integrity in brain regions involving emotional generation and processing, executive attention, decision making and cognitive control,'' some science guy said. 1/12/12 5:49pm ET
lexkase
Except, guys, if you share the Internet with a woman, you won't get laid.
1/13/12 3:47pm ET
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Facebook Makes You Miserable
Miller-McCune
A new study suggests that Facebook may be skewing the way its users perceive their lives. It finds those carefully selected photos of cheerful, contented people cumulatively convey a self-esteem-shattering message: Our lives are fantastic! What's wrong with you? 1/12/12 5:03pm ET
lexkase
You do see a lot more "Here is our ski vacation" and not as much "Here is Larry in the unemployment line."
1/12/12 5:53pm ET
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'The Advocate' Names Gayest Cities in America
The Advocate
'The Advocate' has released its 3rd annual ranking of the gayest cities in America. Salt Lake City was named the gayest, followed by Orlando, Cambridge (MA), Ft. Lauderdale, Seattle, Ann Arbor, Minneapolis / St. Paul, Knoxville, Atlanta, and Grand Rapids. [FULL LIST] 1/9/12 6:40pm ET
lexkase
To which Laguna Beach said; "We have hardware stores gayer than Salt Lake City."
1/12/12 12:54pm ET
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1 in 6 Americans is a Binge Drinker
Newser
Researchers from the CDC have found that 38 million Americans, roughly a sixth of the adult population, are binge drinkers who over-indulge an average of 4.4 times a month. A binge is defined as five or more drinks in the space of two hours for men, and four or more drinks for women. Wisconsin has the highest percentage of binge drinkers, at 25.6%. 1/11/12 6:22pm ET
lexkase
So if you're at a meeting at work, count one, two, three, four, five, yeah, it's you.
1/12/12 12:17pm ET
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Homicide No Longer a Leading Cause of Death
Los Angeles Times
For the first time since 1965, homicide was not one of the nation's top 15 causes of death in 2010, according to new data from the CDC. The top 15 were: heart disease, cancer, lower respiratory disease, stroke, accidents, Alzheimer's, diabetes, kidney disease, influenza and pneumonia, suicide, septicemia, liver disease, hypertension, Parkinson's, and pneumonitis. 1/11/12 6:59pm ET
lexkase
The new leading cause of death? Brain damage from reality TV.
1/12/12 12:16pm ET
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North Korea Reopens for Tourism
CNN
The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea's official name) re-opened to tourists this week after its annual month-long winter hiatus. It's the first time foreigners can access the country since the death of its leader Kim Jong Il last month. 1/11/12 7:34pm ET
lexkase
"Come for the oppression, stay for the poverty."
1/12/12 12:15pm ET
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Hostess Files for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy Protection
The Wall Street Journal
Twinkies and Wonder Bread maker Hostess Brands Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection today, struggling under the weight of debt and soaring labor force expenses. 1/11/12 4:58pm ET
lexkase
Upon hearing this, Newt Gingrich suspended his campaign and called for an emergency joint session of Congress.
1/12/12 12:00pm ET
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'The Advocate' Names Gayest Cities in America
The Advocate
'The Advocate' has released its 3rd annual ranking of the gayest cities in America. Salt Lake City was named the gayest, followed by Orlando, Cambridge (MA), Ft. Lauderdale, Seattle, Ann Arbor, Minneapolis / St. Paul, Knoxville, Atlanta, and Grand Rapids. [FULL LIST] 1/9/12 6:40pm ET
lexkase
Not surprisingly, Santorum, Alaska, not on the list.
1/10/12 6:34pm ET
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'The Advocate' Names Gayest Cities in America
The Advocate
'The Advocate' has released its 3rd annual ranking of the gayest cities in America. Salt Lake City was named the gayest, followed by Orlando, Cambridge (MA), Ft. Lauderdale, Seattle, Ann Arbor, Minneapolis / St. Paul, Knoxville, Atlanta, and Grand Rapids. [FULL LIST] 1/9/12 6:40pm ET
lexkase
To which San Francisco said; "Oh, it is on now, bring it, Utah bitches."
1/10/12 5:07pm ET
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Man With Unique Name Arrested in Wisconsin
Capital Times
A man with a rather unique name was arrested in Madison, WI last week for violating the terms of his bail. Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop (30), formerly known as Jeffrey Drew Wilschke, was tentatively charged with carrying a concealed weapon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana, and a probation violation. 1/9/12 6:13pm ET
lexkase
Gosh, I wonder what made them think he was on drugs?
1/10/12 4:56pm ET
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Man With Unique Name Arrested in Wisconsin
Capital Times
A man with a rather unique name was arrested in Madison, WI last week for violating the terms of his bail. Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop (30), formerly known as Jeffrey Drew Wilschke, was tentatively charged with carrying a concealed weapon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana, and a probation violation. 1/9/12 6:13pm ET
lexkase
Apparently his father is Steven Tyler or the band Hanson.
1/10/12 4:45pm ET
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